Food Box: Go or No Go?

Eatery Review: The meat we found in the basement.

I came home from work today starving hungry, as all I'd eaten was a peanut butter sandwich and a granola bar. I search for food in the refrigerator, then in the cabinets. Finding only slack-jawed capers, I turned to the food room in the basement (a veritable warehouse of creamed mushroom soup and kitchen sponges). The only edible item there, other than four metric tons of brownie mix, was a single can of Treet, a 99¢ brick of mechanically separated goodness. This example was no less than four years old. Dave and I had a discussion as to the shelf life of SPAM-like products, and it was decided that the Treet would be opened, coated with brown sugar, baked, and then eaten.

I first took a bite of a raw slice, which tasted like watered down bologna, if you can fathom such a flavor (and texture). The rest was sliced and baked in the prescribed manner (which Dave allegedly learned from a vegetarian) and was excellent. The brown sugar formed a sticky candy coating and was very sweet. I ate mine plain and also with yellow mustard and horseradish whilst Dave had his with spicy mustard. I liked it better than SPAM.